Wednesday, July 7, 2010

In Vitro Part 3

After our first attempt at in vitro had failed, we decided we didn't want to waste any time before trying again. Every year, we move away for the summer for Trey's job so we really only had 2-3 months before we'd be leaving again. We spoke with the nurse and got things underway to be in the April grouping for the next round of IVF.

I felt extremely nervous from the beginning. I second guessed my gut feelings and intuition. With the first IVF cycle, I felt good throughout the whole thing. I felt like I was pregnant. My own intuition had failed me. This second time around, I wanted to really know if it was the right thing to do so we wouldn't be throwing away so much money again. I had more negative feelings this time, but I know it was coming from a more pessimistic version of myself, the bitter side of me that didn't think we would ever get pregnant. If it was up to me, we probably would've waited a while to try again. I felt like we were spending so much money and my stupid body was just going to fail me again. I relied completely on Trey to make this decision and without hesitation, he said the money didn't matter and we would try again and it would work.

As much as I didn't love the shots before, I was actually anxious to start them and get things going. I documented so much of the first IVF with pictures and whatnot, but the second time I did nothing. I didn't want to jinx it or have memories of it not working. My biggest fear this time around was actually a new shot I'd have to be taking everyday in my upper butt and the needle was much bigger than my usual half inchers. This would be a thicker, longer needle and if I did get pregnant, I'd have to continue it for 9 weeks into my pregnancy. Yikes.

Things were much better from the beginning and to make this story shorter, I'm going to jump ahead. When the retrieval was all said and done, we went in for the embryo transfer. This time, our doctor's lab was complete so we only had to drive 10 minutes instead of all the way to Boise. They brought us back and showed us what we had to work with...4 healthy embryos this time! Though there was a risk of multiples, I felt good about implanting 3 and nobody was going to change my mind about that. So they put in 3 and we froze the 4th and went home to rest for a few days.

Luckily for me, my mom was in town and made it so I never had to move a muscle. She cooked for us and cleaned when she got bored. It was wonderful. But she also had to wait out the 10 days with us. I hate that wait. By the first night, I had cramps already. Of course, I cried. This was a bad sign last time around and I was sure it was menstrual cramps this time too. Trey calmed me down and tried to help me stay positive. Every day I tried to notice symptoms, but it was so hard because I was on so many different drugs that had so many side effects, I didn't have a clue what was going on with my body. If I ever felt any bit of hope, I never told Trey because I didn't want him to get his hopes up. Around day 6, I remember sitting on my bed at night and telling Trey that I didn't think it had worked, I didn't think I was pregnant. I still, to this day, don't know if he was just faking it for my sake or if he really believed it, but he told me that night that he thought I was pregnant and I needed to stay positive. I didn't believe him so I dropped the conversation.

The next few days I was more exhausted than I had ever felt in my life. I took naps during the day and was in bed by 10:00...not my style at all. My mom and Trey would give each other suspicious looks as if they knew I was pregnant and I would just roll my eyes. Blame it on the drugs, don't get your hopes up, I'd tell myself. On day 8, I went in for a blood test and then had to return again on day 10 for another. I went in by myself both times and on the 10th day, the nurses were very giddy with me. They asked how I was feeling and asked if I'd taken a pregnancy test yet. I told them no way, I did that last time and it had backfired. I wasn't about to do it again. After nurse Brenda took my blood, she kept asking me all these questions. So I finally said, "Do you know something?" and she said smiling, "Maybe..." I said, "Does that mean the first test was positive?" She smiled and told me that yes it was. I said, "So unless something crazy happens, this second test will be positive too?" And again, she told me yes. I couldn't believe it. I drove to my sister's right after and didn't tell anyone. I was skeptical and wanted to hear the official phone call later that day before revealing anything. I did, however, call Trey and let him know. He was with the contractor working on one of our rental properties, so that guy was officially the first one to find out we were pregnant. How special!

Once again, the doctor's office took forever to call us with the results. Trey ended up calling them and asked Brenda if they had any news for us. She told him to hold on and came back a few minutes later. I have the whole conversation recorded because this time, I knew it was going to be good news. When she got back on the phone, she said, "Well...I have really good news for you. Yes, yes you are. It is definitely positive." On the recording, you then hear Trey screaming and laughing really loud. She went on to tell us some numbers and how great everything looked because those numbers were so high. We thanked her and hung up the phone. I think I remember Trey high-fiving me, kissing me, and hugging me. I can't believe I didn't cry at this point. But I sure did once we started making the phone calls. I called my mom first, who was over at my sister Jenna's house. I guess Jenna had a bunch of her in-laws over so when I told my mom the news, everyone over there started crying too. Called Ashley...cried again. And on and on with all the phone calls.

The road was long and definitely hard, but we are so happy now and closer as a couple than we ever would have been had we gotten pregnant right away. Trey has been the rock in our marriage by always staying positive and never once making me feel like I was to blame for the infertility. It was hard on both of us, but he was able to see the bigger picture and knew that we would get pregnant someday. I love him and I am sure glad he was right.

11 comments:

kori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kori said...

Congrats! and thanks for making me cry my eyes out...

Bri said...

Seriously, for a non-emotional person, this made me tear up! I am so glad things have finally worked out for you guys! I think Adam and I had about a billion conversations about how unfair it was for you guys and what great parents you would be!

We really couldn't be happier for the two of you!! Thanks for sharing your story!

Cameron & Ashley said...

I'll never forget that phone call!!! :)

Grose Fam said...

I'm so excited for you guys! I'd always ask Ashley how things were going and was so disappointed everytime she had bad news. You're going to be amazing parents!

Andrew and Jenna said...

Part 3 is definitely my favorite! I will never forget the look on Mom's face when she heard the good news on the phone. What an awesome day. I want to hear the recording on your phone again too, Trey's happiness is indescribable! Time for part 4 where we find out what you're having :) I'm impatient.

Karen said...

Thanks for sharing this! What an emotional roller coaster.

Alicia said...

I love it! So happy for you guys. There is not much more that will bring a couple closer than infertility and all the struggles and emotions that go along with it. I have definitely seen that part of it as a blessing.
Thanks for these posts. Always have hope!

Phil and Holly said...

Trey is awesome! good for him for being so good. Great story. I wanna hear the recording too, any way to post it? although, maybe you don't wanna share it with the whole world...
phil

Rach and Clark said...

Congrats to you both! I asked Ashley about you guys last time we visited...I didn't want to say anything until the pregnancy was totally confirmed! Wow, the blog trilogy made me cry and I must admit, I don't cry very easily. You both are so courageous and strong! You deserve every happiness parenthood can offer!

Sara McArthur said...

This is the sweetest story and I am sure there are a lot of others in your situation that it gives hope too. I am so glad you guys were able to come through it stronger and better as a couple. I bet you just can't wait to have baby right there in your arms in January :)