Goodbye Michael

Ahhhhhh!!! Ed is back! Did I call it or what?! I knew there was a reason I wasn’t ready to let him go yet.  There was definitely a look of fear in Michael’s eyes when Ed showed up to the rose ceremony and I was praying that that wasn’t some clever foreshadowing. But then Jillian didn’t call his name at the end and I wanted to reach through the TV and uppercut her in the jaw. How in the world does Wes get chosen over Michael? As excited as I was about Ed coming back, I couldn’t help but end the episode in sadness seeing Michael leave. He was so cute and genuine in his final speech. We’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed that he’ll get chosen to be the next Bachelor so we can see some more of him!

On with the hometown dates…

Jillian showed up in Philadelphia and most definitely interrupted Reid’s sleeping schedule. I dunno how early it was when she arrived, but he should have at least splashed some water on his face to look more alive. He seemed half asleep the whole time she was there, not really that phased that she was meeting his family for the first time. Something about him reminds me of Chandler, but not in a good way. So I guess that makes Jillian the annoying girlfriend, Janice.

Next hometown date went to Michael and awesomely enough, there are 2 of him! I can’t say anything bad about Michael, except that maybe he’s not as cool as I think he is if he likes Jillian as much as he does.

Kiptyn is still a front runner in my opinion, but he has slowly gone downhill in my book and I really just think it has everything to do with his kissing technique. He almost acts uncomfortable when its time to kiss so he goes in super fast to avoid any pre-kiss awkwardness. Aside from that, after meeting with his mom, the only advice I would offer to Jillian is to run. When a woman is that intense on your first meeting, I guarantee you will not just be marrying her son, but she’ll come along too as an added wedding bonus. And by bonus, I mean nightmare. 

Jesse, oh Jesse. I can barely remember your hometown date because your scraggly wag brother keeps flashing in my head. He would make a great beast from Beauty and the Beast, eh? When you marry somebody, you get their family too and maybe Jesse would have gotten a rose last night had he not invited his werewolf brother to the family party to scare Jillian away.

Wes makes my blood boil, especially since he got Michael’s rose. I hope Jillian is feeling like an idiot as she watches the episodes now because she sure is acting like one. And if Wes really does have a girlfriend, that girl is an idiot too. Aside from the music and girlfriend thing, Wes isn’t even cool. He is boring and cheesy. And thank you Jake for trying to save the day, but apparently Jillian is blinded by love…or stupidity.

Speaking of Jake, I’m sure you can guess my laugh out loud moment this week. Sure enough, anyone leaning over a balcony bawling their eyes out is going to get a laugh out of me and Jake is no exception. He’s a very nice guy, but man, that was funny.

No title tonight

I just got reprimanded for slacking on my Bachelorette blog so I'm here, but I admit, it's semi-unwillingly. I don't know where my heart is, but it just wasn't in it this week. Maybe it left with Ed. Or maybe it checked out with the boring train episode. Oh well, next week should be much better.

To take it from the top, I'm not sad to see Robby leave. I don't like the way his mouth moved when he talked...maybe it was that hint of a lisp. Luckily, I'm allowed to be as shallow as I want with these strangers who volunteered for this sort of thing. What I loved when he got dumped is that the train was slowing just as she was breaking it off. Nice planning ABC. And way to leave him stranded in the middle of Canada. Kick him while he's down, why don't you.

The other one-on-one went to Reid, who is a complete dork in my opinion. I guess I'm quick to label anyone that wears glasses though as being a dork, even if it is just for fashion. Old habits die hard. I can't think of a worse first date than going snowboarding for the first time with a teacher whose no good either. There is nothing romantic about falling down all day, getting frustrated, swearing, sweating and being so sore you can barely move by the end. Regardless, Reid instantly turned into a girl when the fondue came out and he confessed all his phobias/weirdness with food. 

Would you be flattered if a guy you were dating told you that you reminded him of his mom? Can't say I've ever been told that before, thank heavens.  Poor, innocent Jake would be better off paired up with a nun. I felt bad when he was pouring his heart out to Jillian because you knew he wasn't getting a rose. You also knew Tanner was going home empty handed for sure. What a gaybo for wishing Jillian's toenails were mango-colored! He definitely put the nail in the coffin when he showed everyone his tighty whiteys. Why do guys think that girls want to see that? You're laughing...we're dry heaving. A man must have designed those underwear cause no woman in her right mind would ever think of something that stupid looking. 

Can someone please tell me why Wes is still here? The producers are obviously setting us up for his dismissal or they wouldn't be showing us scenes that make all us women hate him. Jillian continues to lose credibility in my eyes the longer she keeps him. I don't care if he's a perfect angel to her...can't she see through the cheesiness? Maybe some girls like that. Maybe I'm not one of them. 

My laugh-out-loud/rewind moment this week was literally miniscule, but I might as well mention it just in case you forgot that I don't like Jillian. When they got to their final stop and everyone got out of the train, Chris was there to greet them and tell them where they were. The camera cued to Jillian who just blurted out, "Beautiful." It sounded so repulsive and man-ish that I couldn't help but rewind and laugh again. 

I'm glad that Michael is barely hanging on by a string. He sorta reminds me of Ashton Kutcher and if that guy can marry someone who is 15 years old than him, Michael and Jillian should be able to make things work. 4 years is nothing!

I don't think I have ever mentioned Jesse on this blog and I think there is a reason for that. He seems like the biggest nobody to me who is almost not worth bringing up. I get bored just looking at him. Sure, he's nice and all, but he doesn't really offer anything that someone else can't. However, he did kind of have a nice voice when the guys were singing in the cabin. Wes, on the other hand, sounded like an idiot. On that note, I don't see who, at this point, is going to beat out Kiptyn. Ed was his biggest competition. What do you think? Maybe I'm blinded by my own ego and am missing something. 

So late

After a devastating few days of having no cable or internet, I have had to resort to other methods of entertainment, ie: the 1069 page book that I cannot seem to put down. However, I was finally able to watch the Bachelorette moments ago and I don't even want to do a full blog about it for two reasons. #1 Since I'm about 5 days late, the drama has passed for all of you, and there's gonna be a new episode to worry about soon enough (I cheated, that was 3 reasons packed into 1). #2 I'm in mourning over the loss of Ed. I can't believe my man Ed just bounced with the quickness and blew it like that. Thanks to ABC and their schemingly, manipulative ways, however, I can't get rid of the hope in my heart that he could return. I'd like to let it go and move on, but ABC is always pulling the rug out from under me so I just don't know what to think anymore. Deanna came back...why can't Ed?

My laugh out loud moment this week happened twice...once, of course, when Jillian and Kiptyn were kissing (I've come to realize that maybe he sucks at it too...it's that overly-aggressive lower lip of his) and second, after Ed left and Jillian was in the elevator fighting back the tears over her loss. Sometimes I can be so heartless, I know it. 

If you're completely lost in the romance of all that is the Bachelorette, just start noticing the way that Jillian rubs her lipstick in. It will bring you back to the reality. Until next time!!...(I have 350 more pages to read by Monday night). 

Dear Jillian, Keep It Coming

You know, as much as I hate Juan, I was honestly hoping that he would get a rose last night and that Wes would get sent home. His cheesiness is becoming unbearable for me to watch, ugh (who really falls for that stuff?). The only reason he didn't sing his stupid song tonight is because he couldn't bring his guitar on the plane ride to Canada, otherwise you know it would've been in the mix again. Good thing he will be gone next week, but I don't know why Jillian sheds a single tear for that tool. 

As for Dave, big shocker that he didn't get a rose tonight. Sarcasm? Um, yes please. He shot himself in the foot when he grabbed Jillian's boob...and when he went in for a kiss...and when he wouldn't stop talking about her butt...and when he decided to be a psychopath...and when he cared more about the snitch than the guy with the girlfriend. That, to me, spoke volumes. This guy is a serious whacko. Does any girl love to be told that some creepster is walking behind her staring at her butt the whole time with his head tilted to the side and his jaw to the floor? According to Dave though, Jillian is just playing hard to get. Is that why she kicked you off, you moron?

Poor little Mike also had to go and I could have predicted that one from the moment he ran to Jillian straight out of the limo. Somebody was trying a little too hard, I think.  What normal boy sprints across the lawn to a girl he's known a week? Wait, slow down...what normal boy sprints across the lawn to any girl no matter how long he's known her? None that I ever dated luckily. The guy wouldn't let Mark get a word in and expressing his feelings to Jillian in front of Mark was nothing but awkward. On a side note, why did Mark tell Jillian that every now and again he thinks about living in the mountains with a dog and no woman? That seems like the opposite of what you'd want to tell a potential wife, I dunno. 

Every week there is at least one moment that makes me laugh out loud on the couch as I watch this show by myself. This week's moment was at the rose ceremony when Jillian gave out the final rose to Tanner. He accepted the rose and then they hugged and that is where I laughed, hit rewind, laughed again, rewind once more, and final laugh. Jillian's face was priceless. If you're bored today and have it on DVR, check it out. You won't regret it. 

There's a big underdog in town and his name is Michael. Turns out I love him now, followed by Ed and then Kiptyn (I got a weird vibe from Kiptyn last night but maybe that's just because he feels the need to kiss Jillian after every minor transition, ie: change of topic, sit down to stand up, next activity, etc...). Michael hasn't had a one-on-one so we haven't seen a ton of him, but he's so cute and goofy that he's been able to make an impression on my heart. I guess I am just a sucker for the goofy, entertainer-types...uh, do you know my husband, Trey? 

I asked my sister Ashley last night, "Why did I ever say I was going to quit watching this show?!" The drama is just too good! I overreacted to Jason Mesnick and threw out a statement that I absolutely did not mean, I apologize. I will never quit watching this show! Unless, of course, I decide to get a life. Then, and only then, will l consider it. Man, I wish it was Monday night already. 

Come back Ashley!

I had so much fun having Ashley and Taya here this past week. We didn't do anything super exciting on account of a 2 year old that takes a mid-day nap and me still having to work a little but we still had a great time. Lots of parks, dog walking, grocery shopping, sunbathing, and Panera Bread. There's a park here that kinda reminds me of Central Park so we went one afternoon and just enjoyed walking around. Taya loved all the dogs and this particular fire truck below.

It's pretty obvious that Taya likes to be in control. She wants to push her own stroller and steer every steering wheel she comes in contact with (example above and below). I wish I was kidding when I say I think the grocery store was her favorite part about Atlanta. This cart made her day and made Ash and I crack up laughing trying to steer the monstrosity. The cashier even gave Tay a balloon...it felt more like a circus than a grocery store trip. 
I think when I have my own kids I will probably stay skinny forever if they are like Taya. She is the happiest when she is being pushed around in her stroller and I probably walked more this past week with her than I have in the past few months combined. One morning I wanted to let Ashley sleep in so I had to keep Taya out of the house which means we went for a stroller ride for about an hour and 15 minutes. What a life! I'd love to be pushed around everywhere I went.

The only title I can think of sounds something like "bleh"

Ashley and Taya have been hanging with me out here in Atlanta so I thought it'd be best to postpone the Bachelorette blog so I could entertain them better. They're both taking naps right now though so I'll get right to it before they wake up. 

I've been hoping to see more of Ed and luckily he got the one-on-one date this week. Unluckily for him though, he got to go on the slowest zip-line in the history of the world. There's no way that could have been much fun. Sasha got the other one-on-one and I'm happy to see him get the boot...for shallow reasons mostly. He was nice, but not so cute to me. 

There have only been 3 episodes so far and already so much drama! I love it and you know you love it. Dave has reached his boiling point and I'm shocked Juan doesn't have a scratch on him yet. He is an absolute time bomb and I sure hope the cameras are present when he decides to go off. I will be front and center with a bowl of popcorn and a smile. In the meantime, I wish Dave would take out his anger on Wes' guitar...maybe by bashing it into tiny wood chips. Could he play that stupid song anymore than he already does? Probably not. One of the other guys needs to hide it and see if Wes has any game without it. Not likely. 

I don't need to say much about Tanner P. We all know he is a weirdo. What did he say...I'm just here to suck on some toes and meet some Jillian? He did some creepy little dance that looked like he was eating Jillian's toes like corn on the cob. Please get kicked off soon, PUH LEEEZ.

I don't care much about too many others. You know who I like and who I don't. The others sorta fall into the gray area. Either way, I don't like Jillian enough to even care if she picks Juan in the end. Actually, I would love it if Juan and Dave were the two finalists. She actually deserves them both if she hasn't been able to figure out by now that they are both idiots. 

For those of you who don't pay close attention to the kisses and rewind them over and over like I do, please start. Jillian is by far the worst kisser ever to be a bachelor/bachelorette. Trey might not watch the Bachelor with me but I sure make him come in the room to re-watch the kissing scenes. Our relationship is stronger because of it, I'm sure.